Happy Noodle Boy: My attempt!
by Moonchild10
Summary: My shot at HNB! A tasty thick layer of caramel topped off with bits of cheese and served w/ a moose.
1. A Profound Beginning

Disclaimey: I do not own Happy Noodle Boy or any of the HNB characters! Herez some Happy Noodle Boy comics because I like doin em! But the idea belongs 2 Jhonen Vasquez..and I guess Johnny C.  
Happy Noodle Boy Fade in: our hero is walking down a crowed street on the way to the city park.  
  
Happy Noodle Boy (HNB): Fear my secret elbow, you dirty a** scum!  
  
Small boy: Um, hello Mr. Noodle person.  
  
HNB: Nonsensical? Yet you want my jade ape sh**? You will never own my banana legacy! It will always be mine! My face can sense that you envy Adam Sandler! Drool over my wicked neck!  
  
Small boy: Goodbye, Noodle man.  
  
HNB: Hunt only in the shade!  
  
Old woman: eh?  
  
HNB: Desist! You evil veil of venom! There are none as horrid as the Gorrila Federation! No one will save your oranges!  
  
Fat man: What the h***'s your problem, Senor Noodle!  
  
HNB: I KNOW you have the drake fungus, cheese nub! Fear my evil powers! The voodoo curse comes faster than pickled eggs! Pick me a winner, leggo shower curtain!  
  
Small chubby boy: Daddy, I be afraid!  
  
Fat man: alright, Noodloid! Backo off or I'll shoot u in da head!  
  
HNB: Taste the evil power of my creamy nugat! Drat! My sanitary napkin begins to leak! Oh, the discomfort!  
  
Fat man: What the h*** are you talking about, Noodle?  
  
HNB: bzz bzzz bzz bzz bzz IT IS MY ANITBACTERIAL OINTMENT, COW CHEESE!  
  
Fat man: alright, that's it!  
  
Small chubby boy: make him die again, daddy!  
  
(fat man shoots our hero in the head)  
  
Fade out: our hero lies motionless on the ground, thinking of the cream filling in his undergarmets at home. where's my maple syrup, mom?! END! By somebody who is not Johnny C. YES, I STOLE IT! MWA HA HA HA!  
"One small step for Noodle Boy, one huge leap for quesadillas."  
  
A Brave New Noodle: HNB's adventures in spacey type areas! Woo hoo!  
  
Fade in: Our hero is walking to the city park to once again reek havoc among the innocent human types. He comes upon a launch site.  
  
HNB: Deceit! They HAVE taken my holy vacuum tube! Oh, where is my granpappy?  
  
Astronaut: Who're you?  
  
HNB: I AM the smell left behind by the lemon scented tile cleaner, I AM the light in the fridge after the door is closed, I AM the only living creature ever to taste sweeet vicory by the light of a thousand dead koallas. I AM sausage! Fear my power, which can only be matched by that of tile grout and sharp cheddar. Fear my laser vision, glutius maximus! Beware the stench of Aunt Martha's feet!  
  
Astronaut: What the f***?  
  
HNB: How DARE you hold my sister Bob hostage? I shall spray your shrubbery for such violation of the Declaration of Fried Toad A**es! Beware the vengence of the horrible flounder chowder! Grr! Cheese!  
  
Astronaut: OK, somebody get him outta here before the launch!  
  
Policeman: OK, Mr. Noodly, get outta here or we'll throw you in da rocket & send away into space!  
  
Small Boy: Do it! Put Mr. Noodle person in the shiny rocket!  
  
HNB: SHINY? Yet you believe not that feel the coldness of plastic applicators? Fear thy not the awesome stench of candy canes made from goat cheese? The pain! Oh the pain! My mother believes in the Keebler elf! Oh help! HELP! Where IS this horrid monkey of the special hot tub that you speak of, foxy witches!?  
  
Policeman: PUT 'IM IN DA ROCKET!  
  
Astronaut: Yes, sir!  
  
(throws our hero into shiny rocket)  
  
HNB: VIOLATION OF ROCKET FISH CODE! YOU SHALL PAY!  
  
Policeman: START THE STINKIN' ROCKET!!!!!  
  
Astronaut: Aye aye! (starta rocket up)  
  
HNB: I feel the pain! Oh, here comes the motion of the dead! My pituitary gland, it swells! Happen it why does it? HELP ME JOHN TRAVOLTA! (rocket crashlands on moon)  
  
HNB: Arg! The pain! my leg, it wiggles! Witness it's wiggling!  
  
Alien: I am a horrible alien man! Fear me!  
  
HNB: Oh can't you see? It has happened! Babies, taking over the earth! Oh mother! Fear the awesome reflexes of my generic brand mayonaisse! WHAT? NO VODKA!?  
  
Alien: You must die!  
  
HNB: How DARE you question the power of my authentic artificial flavoring! I come in six delicious colors! SIZE MAY VARY!  
  
Alien: I shoot you now with me mighty ray gun!  
  
HNB: Ramen?  
  
Alien: DIE! (shoots Noodle Boy in the head WITH MIGHTY RAY GUN!!!!!! Oh, merciful heaven!)  
  
HNB: ARG!!!! (falls limp)  
  
Alien: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
HNB: Bacon.  
  
Fade out: Noodle Boy lies on ground, deep in thought) 


	2. A Continuation of the Nonsense WIPLASH!

Disclaimer: DO I own HNB? No, I don't, Ha. All credit for HNB goes to Jhonen Vasquez, and of course Johnny C. Without them, this would not be possible. *wipes away tear* thank you for this incredible honor, Jhonen and Nny! Um, sorry.  
  
Yes, just when you little spleen babies and your little dog Toto thought it was safe to revisit the Jhonen Vasquez category, behold the terror as yet another chapter of my feeble attempt at Noodle Boy unleashes itself on your little eyes, pouring into your minds like red hot blood from a fresh wound! READ! Hee, I scared myself. Aren't those cheap breakfast sausages just nasty? I mean come on, I can't even EAT them! Now, I sense my digression, so I'll start my nonsensical ramblings again.  
  
~"These are nonsensical ravings of a deranged mind!" -Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, 'Young Frankenstein'~  
  
*/*/*  
  
Happy Noodle Boy  
  
Not by Johnny C.  
  
A new chapter: Happy Noodle Boy returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Fade in: our hero walks into the city park after his long absence in far away space (goddamn this blister between my fucking toes!), carrying his wooden crate. BEHOLD as our hero climbs atop his perch, ready to bring joy to the world yet again!!! FUCK these commercials about Mt. Dew Livewire! They make me crave again!...um, here we go again...  
  
HNB: Good day to you, adventurous squirrel peanut butter cups! Hear my screamy voice and bear witness to yet another birth on live television! Your interests disgust me, you broccoli crunching rock children!!!!! Look long in good health upon the depths of the mind of a genius, and his name is PEANUTS! GLARG!  
  
Little boy: Daddy, save me from the bad noodle guy!  
  
Fat man: Noodloid, I thought I told you to shut up!  
  
HNB: You cannot silence the voice in my pants!!!!!! Though your bad bad laser beams tear my flesh, they wounds not the impeccable powers of the garlic! No vampires here! FEAR ME!  
  
Teenager: what a loony.  
  
HNB: speak you of the great Peter Pan's nugat supply hidden high in the mountains of Malaysia? I will never tell! You is hurting my groin! And my nipples!  
  
(yet again, HNB realizes the horrible truth, his nipplessness)  
  
HNB: Wait! I HAVE NO NIPPLES! For the second time I am forsaken! Damn you, Jack the Ripper! You have taken my marshmallow peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Thin man: what the fuck are you talking about, Noodle?  
  
HNB: Under such DIRE circumstances, I suppose you have a right to know the answer to agelong question of the ancients...WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE!!!!!!???  
  
Lady: I don't like him! Make the bad man go away!  
  
HNB: GRRRRR!!!!!!! Johnny C. and the temple of the ancients* (1)!!! Playing soon in a theater near you!!!!!! Growl at the bears, and they shall bite your hands! My head! Oh fuck, it is becoming large and round! My body.I am becoming a stick figure!!!!!  
  
Lipstick saleswoman: You already ARE a stick figure, you idiot!!!!!  
  
HNB: Sailor Moon!!!!!!! Fear my anime cartoon programming!!!! Available on 165 channels!!!!!! FLAVORS MAY VARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Man: Is he alright?  
  
Devi (holy cow, why's SHE there?): Somehow I REALLY don't think so!  
  
HNB: I sense that you wish for the powers of the secret toe ninjas in the HIGH PEAKS of Kansas!!!!!! Email me at SnattyRainNoodles27FearMe@msn.com* (2) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shall gather rewards greater than any mortal swordfish!!!!!!! Bring in the flying gorillas now!!! Why don't I have any dancing lobsters* (3)? Why not ME? Get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up come on get down with the sickness.....* (4) WOOOO!!!!  
  
Devi: I tie all this to Johnny!  
  
Man: who the hell is Johnny?  
  
Devi: was I talking to you?  
  
Man: I don't know! You were fucking talking to your shoes!!!!  
  
HNB: BLACK CATS! Pow pow pow!!!!!!! Listen to the firecrackers!!!! BLAM!!!! Listen you fucking corn-whores! GRAM! I have no gram crackers! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!!!  
  
Kid: Kill him again, daddy.  
  
Man: yes I shall son!  
  
BLAM.  
  
(our hero's head explodes, and he falls to the ground again, licking the dirt!)  
  
Little factoid things:  
  
*(1): Johnny C. and the Temple of the Ancients is a future humor fic I'm planning  
  
*(2): An ACTUAL email address! It really sends to someone!  
  
*(3): Dancing lobsters: reference to the Amanda Show, which my sister likes to watch while I type these stupid things and I overheard and watched the part with the dancing lobsters.  
  
*(4): Lyric from 'Down with the Sickness', by Disturbed...a GOOD song!!!!!! 


End file.
